The makers of Camel Cigarettes present Dick Powell as Richard Diamond, private detective.
Music
How mild can a cigarette be?
Martha Tilton knows.
H.C. Opinza knows.
Vaughn Monroe knows.
Yes, so many stars whose voices are their fortunes know it's camels for mildness.
They choose camels because they know that camels get along with their throats.
Make the 30-day camel mildness test and see how mild, how flavorful,
how thoroughly enjoyable a cigarette can be.
Here transcribed is Richard Diamond, private detective, starring Dick Powell.
Mr. Diamond?
Back here behind the socks.
Careful with the clothesline.
I thought you were a detective.
Oh, it's been a rumor for some time.
Do you always do laundry in the office?
Only on Fridays, honey.
Have a seat, Miss...
Caspery.
I'll be right with you, Miss Caspery, as soon as I ring out these...as soon as I ring them
out.
Go right ahead.
There, there.
All right, Miss Caspery, what can I do for you?
It's Mrs.
Well, now, what's it all about?
My husband's going to kill me.
Just frisky or has he got a reason?
I found out he's been stealing from his partner and when I faced him with it, he threatened
me.
Has he done anything more than threaten?
Last night he went out and said he'd be gone for most of the evening.
I went to bed and about an hour later, I thought I heard somebody start upstairs.
I got frightened and put pillows in my bed to make it look like I was sleeping.
Was it your husband?
I hid in my dressing room and watched and then the door opened.
It was too dark to tell, but I'm sure it was Phil.
He came in and had a knife and he jabbed the pillow several times before he realized it
it wasn't a real body.
Couldn't he see?
What do you mean?
Well, there are some things a guy remembers.
Even if you slept in a diving suit, you'd have a hard time hiding them.
I like lots of covers.
Yeah, you said Phil.
Is your husband Phil Caspery, the gambler?
Yes, he and Max Bruner are in business together.
Yeah, I know.
The rooftop club.
An iron claw with a cover charge.
This morning Phil said he was going away on a business trip, but I don't believe him.
I'm afraid he's going to try killing me again.
I want you to come around about eight and protect me.
Here's a hundred dollars.
That should cover it.
Thanks, thanks.
We might be up late.
Maybe I should bring a good book.
You'll strain your eyes.
I like dark rooms.
She got up then and walked slowly across the room like a big cat that had just finished
eating its keeper.
She stopped at the door and smiled a promise.
I thought how Sampson must have looked with a crew cut.
Round one, I stopped in at the corner of 51st and Broadway for a bite of lunch.
I killed part of the afternoon at the newspaper morgue, looking up the past files of one Phil
Caspery.
No convictions but a bundle of arrests.
The partnership with Max Bruno had earned some big type from time to time, and it seemed
that Mr. Caspery's partner, Max, was quite a favorite with the local authorities.
They had nailed him twice.
The first time, Uncle Sam sent him away for missing too many March 15ths.
The second was when I remembered a rookie cop caught him with a gun.
The parole board said shame and sent him up for the rest of the stretch.
I went back to the apartment dressed, and by eight o'clock I was ringing Mrs. Caspery's
doorbell.
The skin of my back crawled up and sat on my head.
Whoever was dying was doing it the hard way.
The door was locked, so I gave it the benefit of one of my shoulders.
It was one of those heavy panel jobs with the will of its own, but finally the hinges
got tired and gave up.
I stumbled into the living room and came up with my 38.
The screams had stopped, and I knew the only reason she had given up yelling was because
she had given up living.
She was sprawled in the bed, but she didn't look anything like she had that afternoon.
The killer had made sure of that.
He'd used a knife.
And now, she just didn't look like anything.
I took a quick look around and found no one so headed for the phone on the nightstand
to call homicide.
He must have been standing behind the door.
When I turned, he gave it to me.
He used something heavy enough to split a block of cement.
It caught me across the nose, and I went down like an express elevator.
While I was thinking the floor looked silly trying to be a funnel, he nailed me again.
Oh, and this time, he pushed back the ceiling and let the night in.
It's easy to relax after a good beating.
You just bleed a little and grow weak.
When someone tries to shake you out of it, it's like trying to sober a drunk that got
mold on cleaning fluid.
Come on, Rick.
Let's go.
Snap out of it.
Come on, kid.
You're a mess.
Oh, I'm stuck in the confetti.
Oh, oh, yeah.
We have a party or something?
Yeah, it looks that way.
Wake up.
You're still running around with the squirrels.
Oh, oh, my.
Take a look at that bed, Walt.
If I appear untidy, it makes up for things.
We cleaned it off.
Try and sit up.
The ambulance will be here in a minute.
Oh, give me a bat, will you?
If I can find the guy who crowned me, I'll give you another customer.
We got him outside, but I can't say I blame him.
Who you got?
Caspery.
He says you knocked off his wife.
What?
He called us.
Said he came home, found the body and found you tiptoeing through the corpses.
Yeah?
Well, maybe he told you his wife came to see me today and gave out with a hundred bucks
to protect her from him.
No, as a matter of fact, he didn't.
Well, then don't stand there on your swollen bunion, Walt.
He's got me in line for a murder app and I don't like it.
Don't blame you.
Otis, bring in Mr. Caspery.
Yeah, Lieutenant.
Get in there, Caspery.
OK, Sergeant.
OK, take it easy.
Here he is, Lieutenant.
Caspery, Diamond here says he'll trade you a seat in the electric chair for his pushed-in
face.
I don't get it.
Well, stick around, Phil.
It'll catch up with you.
Hold it a minute, Rick.
I've had my face turned into an ad for taffy machines.
I've got a right to gloat.
Look, why the chitchat, Lieutenant?
You got your killer?
That's what Diamond thinks.
He says you fit the job.
He's a dirty liar.
He says your wife retained him to protect her from you.
For why?
She found out you were robbing your partner.
You made one try for her, but you missed.
You graduated, Diamond.
Now you're a filthy liar.
All right, Rick, lay off.
OK, but I'd like to play some more.
I want some answers.
Then why don't you ask his partner?
You know him, Max Bruno.
All right.
Let's all go see Max Bruno.
A prowl car on Park Avenue is as conspicuous as an outside shower at a girls' camp.
A crowd of people watched Sergeant Otis hurt us into the back seat.
Even if you aren't guilty, you'll feel like you've got the Chrysler building tucked away
under your coat.
I waved goodbye to a good-looking blonde with a poodle, and we took off for Bruno's office.
There was an old building on Sixth Avenue, and a goner named Tony Garcia with a big bulge
under his arm met us at the door.
What is this, a convention?
Hello, Tony.
Tell Bruno I want to see him.
The whole party or just you, Lieutenant?
I'm enough.
Sure.
What's the matter, Caspar?
You look sick.
You get tagged for speeding?
You can tell Max it looks like he built the frame just the right size.
I don't think you know what you're talking about.
Bro, stop playing Alice in Wonderland.
We want to see Bruno.
Now find out if he's in.
We know how to turn a doorknob.
Look out.
Okay.
Well, what is this?
They wouldn't wait for an introduction.
Hello, Max.
What do you want, Levinson?
A couple of questions.
You in some kind of trouble, Caspar?
What do you think?
What are you getting rough with me for?
Oh, are you dirty double-crossed?
Shut up.
Well, what's eating you, Diamond?
Well, that's a good one.
Now look.
You look, Max.
And you keep your mouth shut, Caspar.
Not when I'm being framed.
I'm going to yell my head off.
Framed?
Don't know nothing about it, huh, Max?
I don't know what you're talking about.
What is this?
You framed me without killing.
Killing?
Don't come on with that bit.
You know what I'm talking about.
Take Caspar in the hall, Otis.
Yes, sir.
Come on, Caspar.
I'll get you for this, Max.
So help me.
Come on, you.
Will somebody tell me what's going on here?
Fucking liar.
I swear to you, if it's the last thing I do, I'll get...
What's happened to him?
Max, you don't know?
How am I supposed to know?
Guess?
Somebody just killed his wife.
Donnie.
Yeah, boss?
Wait in the hall.
Yeah, boss.
Caspar knocked off his wife, huh?
Well, he didn't say it was Caspar.
Look, Caspar is my partner.
At least he was.
You split?
Yeah, a couple of days ago.
Why?
I've been checking for a couple of weeks.
Caspar has been holding out on the take.
How'd you find out?
His wife called me and told me.
Oh, really?
I wonder why a wife would incriminate her husband like that.
Yeah, she was scared, scared stiff.
She found out what he was doing and he told her he'd kill her.
So she didn't know what to do, she called me.
You knew her pretty well, huh?
Not too well.
She figured I could give her protection.
I told her to see you, Diamond.
Well, now, that was very nice of you, but what did you do about Caspar here when you
found out he was robbing you?
Told him to get out, have the money back by tomorrow morning.
You tell him his wife tipped you about him?
Are you crazy?
Of course not.
Said I'd been checking on him for a long time, but the books didn't tally.
And what did he say?
He said he didn't do it.
What'd you expect him to say?
Well, are your books short?
Two hundred thousand worth.
Okay, Max, we'll be talking to you.
Wife's dead, huh?
About as dead as she can get.
See you around.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so he told you how I'd been robbing the till.
Yeah, he did.
Well, let's go.
What's the matter, Caspar?
You give it up?
I'm framed.
That's it, let's go.
Oh, by the way, what did you do with the murder weapon?
Don't be surprised if you wake up some morning and find it sticking in your back.
Get him out of here, Otis.
Come on, you, come on.
Well, well, Levinson did it again.
Suspect in custody.
What do you do for an encore?
Sleep?
You want me to drop you off in emergency?
You could use a new face.
No, I'll grab a cab and go to the apartment and clean up.
Got to see Helen later.
Okay, but stay off the streets.
Somebody's liable to think you're dead and bury you.
Oh, that's a good one.
Good night.
Hey, Cappy.
Yeah?
Where to, Mac?
Holy yike.
What's the matter?
Don't scare me like that.
I got a nervous stomach.
Boy, they could sell your face for 60 cents a pound.
Okay, so good housekeeping shuns me.
553 East 50 First and step on it.
What are you rolling the window down for?
I want to see if it's still bleeding out.
35 cents.
Here you are.
Thanks.
Let's stick a ride instead.
Don't move.
Hey, what's going on?
I told you we're going to take a ride.
The gun in my back, I don't recognize, but you should have worn your other head, Tony.
Move.
Okay, okay.
What's the matter?
Doesn't Max give you enough to eat?
That's because I don't think you're funny.
All right, all right.
You're Tony Garcia and you make people bleed.
Right, boy.
Hold it.
Now get in the car.
You're bending the suit.
Get in.
You drive.
Okay, but I'm a better pedestrian.
Where to?
Washington Bridge.
I don't swim any better than I drive.
You won't have to.
You're out for a high dive and get going.
Come on, come on, hurry it up.
I thought we were going to a funeral.
That's a good one.
What's it all about, Tony?
Don't get nosy.
Enjoy the ride.
It's a new car.
We rode like that.
Tony sitting half turned with a big 45 in his fist pointing right at my stomach.
I drove south across town trying to figure it out.
Max Bruno's killer getting ready for a job.
Why?
Why me?
What did I know that could get Max Bruno in trouble?
Turn here.
I turned and the Washington Bridge wasn't far away.
I could see it stretched out across the river like a long coffin lined with bright candles.
I eased down on the accelerator and by the time we reached the bridge I was doing a good
60.
Slow down.
We were near the toll gate.
I took my foot off the accelerator and then jammed down on the brakes as hard as I could.
Before we continue with Richard Diamond, private detective, here are a few words about smoking
enjoyment.
You know, smoking is a day in, day out pleasure.
We like each cigarette to taste as good as the one before and we like the cigarette we
smoke to be mild, to get along with our throats for a good long time.
So it's good sense to test a cigarette over a period of time, not just a puff of this
cigarette or a sniff of that.
Yes, make the sensible cigarette test, the thorough test.
Smoke only camels for 30 days as you normally smoke and you'll see how rich and flavorful
camels are pack after pack.
You'll see how mild camels are week after week.
In a coast to coast test of hundreds of people who smoked only camels for 30 days, noted
throat specialist reported not one single case of throat irritation due to smoking camels.
That's real proof of cigarette mildness.
Make your own camel 30 day test, the sensible test and see for yourself why more people
smoke camels than any other cigarette.
How mild, how mild, how mild, how mild can a cigarette be?
Make the camel 30 day test and you'll see, smoke camels and see.
Now back to Richard Diamond, Private Detective starring Dick Powell.
We had hit the bridge railing and stopped cold.
The steering wheel had caught me in the stomach.
I opened my mouth to make my lungs work.
It was like sucking air through a bent straw.
I didn't know how long I sat there before I finally made it, but a slow dripping sound
made me remember Tony and look over.
He was halfway through the windshield and the dripping wasn't a broken radiator.
His life was running out all over the hood.
I got out of the car before the guards got to it.
I had to have time to figure the whole thing out and I didn't want to hang around for a
lot of long explanations.
I walked until I lost the crowd that was collecting me.
I took in long breaths of fresh air until my head cleared, then spotted an empty cab
heading back to town, flagged it, gave the cabbie the address of the rooftop club.
I needed answers and the best person to give them to me was Max Bruno.
Late edition, get your late edition here, read all about it, read all about the Caspery
murder.
Woman found dead in her apartment, husband held for murder.
Hey boy, boy, paper.
Yes sir.
Gee, what happened to your face?
I shaved with a rake.
Yeah?
Gee, that's pretty funny.
Holy.
What's the matter?
This picture.
That's the name was knocked off tonight.
Caspery name.
Oh, so that's it.
Huh?
Well, good luck.
Thanks.
Wow.
Take my advice, mister.
See your analysts, you'll get rid of them bells.
Homicide Lieutenant Levinson.
Walt, did you get to 415 at the George Washington Bridge?
Yeah, about 10 minutes ago, Tony Garcia ran into the bridge railing.
Some other guy with him.
How'd you hear about it, Rick?
Well, I was the other guy.
What?
Yeah, Tony was going to show me the bottom of the river.
Are you nuts?
Not at all, no.
And have you seen the evening papers?
No.
Well, there's a picture of Mrs. Caspery on the front page.
So what?
Well, so this, the girl in the picture isn't the same girl who came into my office this
afternoon.
Who was she?
I don't know.
Now wait a minute, Rick.
Walt, well, now, now, now, don't you get it?
That's why Tony was supposed to gun me tonight.
No, I don't get it.
Well, Walt, somebody wanted to frame Phil Caspery.
They sent a girl to my office posing as Mrs. Caspery.
So I'd swear she suspected that Phil was going to kill her.
When I found the wife dead, she was cut up so bad, I couldn't tell the difference.
Well, then why kill you?
To prevent what's just happened.
Get me out of the way before I saw the evening papers.
Then Max Bruno was lying about Caspery taking the money.
Sure.
There had to be a motive, so he cooked up the story about Mrs. Caspery calling him and
telling him about Phil and the money.
And Bruno's our man.
Oh, Walt, you're such a good boy.
I knew you'd get it.
Check your hat, sir.
Maybe I'd better throw it in the door first.
Give me a pack of camels.
Yes, sir.
Who's running the place for Mr. Bruno?
Mr. Caspery, but he isn't in yet.
Well, it depends on what you're talking about.
How's the floor show?
It's all right if you've got an imagination.
You know, you better keep moving.
You'll catch cold in that getup.
Oh, well, don't let it fool you.
The bustle's really a hot water bottle.
I went in and sat at the bar.
The dance floor was in the other room, but you could see it through the long glass windows.
I was sitting there trying to figure my next move, and the floor show started.
The usual inacuties came out.
The hat check girl was wrong.
You didn't need an imagination.
They were wearing just enough to make a bathing suit look like a sleeping bag.
They tripped over each other getting off, and the lights went dim, and a white spot
circled the piano.
She came out in a green satin evening gown.
I've seen grapes with looser skins.
She knew what time it was.
She was pretty good, too.
What she was better this afternoon in my office when she told me she was Mrs. Caspery.
I got up and went back to the hat check girl with a warm bustle.
Maybe you need a shot.
Even the old ones stick around for the last show.
Honey, where can I find that singer's dressing room?
I thought you looked healthy.
Uh-uh, Mr. Bruno wouldn't like it.
Well, maybe we don't let Mr. Bruno in on it.
Oh, 10 bucks.
I'll have to shove bamboo under my nails before I talk.
She told me how to find the singer's dressing room.
I thanked her and gave her a pat on the...
You know, it was a hot water bottle.
I walked with the bar again and listened while she poured it on.
I've heard singers with better voices, but this one had the difference.
She went into the last few bars, and I headed for her dressing room.
I wanted to get there before she did.
And unless that green satin gown was a breakaway, she didn't figure for an encore.
I got in and sat down to wait.
It was a quick minute before she showed up.
Oh, shut up.
You're flat.
Oh!
You get out of here.
Go on, get out.
Now, relax, baby.
I got something to say.
You want to listen or you want to get shoved around?
You just try it.
I'll get some of Max's boys to let the air out of your muscles.
Open your mouth and you'll be tripping on your teeth.
I...
Get away from that door and sit down.
Not until you get your eyes full of fingernails.
You little...
Now, get this.
I don't like marking up dames' complexions, but you're making it easy.
Who sent you up to my office?
Was it Max?
Why don't you ask him?
He's good at answers.
Oh, so was his boy Tony.
He got dead trying to figure it out.
Maybe you'd like to guess.
Wait a minute, Diamond.
One scream from me and everybody in the joint will be in here on your back.
Honey, honey.
If you open your mouth, I'll shove your foot in it.
Uh...
If...
If I tell you, do I get squared with the law?
You're an accessory before the fact.
I can only give you a head start.
Just give me long enough to find a healthy climate.
Now, you're killing time.
Come on.
I want to know who built you up to fit Mrs. Caspery.
Was it Max Bruno?
All right.
It was Max.
Phil found out he was holding out in the gambling take.
So he dissolves the partnership by killing Mrs. Caspery, making Phil the patsy.
Neat, huh?
Yeah, like a sack full of brains.
Go on.
Answer it.
Who is it?
Open up, baby.
It's me.
Max, look out!
Diamond's in here!
Sorry, baby, but twice to make sure you have a punching bag.
I didn't want to hit her, but it was the only way to keep her tongue in.
She dropped like a wet wash in an earthquake, and I jumped for the door.
Max was halfway down the hall.
He had a gun in his hand, and he used it.
The slug tore up the wall by my ear, and before I could try my luck, he was around the corner.
I thought about the hole his luger had made, and I wondered why I was still chasing him.
I turned the corner and found myself in the bandstand.
Max turned fast and tried again.
I was across the crowd to dance for him, and the panic rusted loose.
What's going on here?
I shoved aside a drunk who thought it was the Fourth of July and went to the bar like
I needed the exercise.
That man's got a gun!
Roll on your own, baby.
Max was nearly to the front door when he turned around for another shot at me.
He didn't see the little hat-check girl standing behind me with her arms full of coats.
He backed right into her, and they both went down together.
Max stumbled up, tangled, and on a sordid wardrobe.
He squeezed first, but he was wearing too many coats, and he missed again.
I didn't miss.
Max doubled up like a tired ice bag and got himself a face full of carpet.
He was pretty dead.
The hat-check girl looked at me for a minute and leaned over to Max.
She said something that endeared her to me forever.
Check your gun, Mr. Bruno.
Dick Powell will return in just a minute.
What cigarette do you smoke, doctor?
That question was asked of doctors in every branch of medicine.
Doctors in all parts of the country.
In repeated surveys, the brand named most is Camel.
Yes, according to these surveys, more doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette.
Camels' costly tobaccos are properly aged and expertly blended for your smoking enjoyment.
Make the sensible cigarette test the 30-day Camel test and see how enjoyable a cigarette
can be.
See for yourself why people say, once a Camel smoker, always a Camel smoker.
How mild, how mild, how mild, how mild can a cigarette be?
Make the Camel 30-day test and you'll see.
Smoke Camels and see.
Here's Dick Powell with a special message.
Thank you.
You know, it's a pleasure for me to make this weekly announcement, ladies and gentlemen,
because each week the makers of Camels send gift cigarettes to a most deserving group
of people, servicemen and veterans who are hospitalized.
This week's Camels go to Veterans Hospitals, Fargo, North Dakota, and Alexandria, Louisiana.
U.S. Air Force Hospital, Randolph Air Force Base, Texas.
U.S. Naval Hospital, San Diego, California.
Now until next week, enjoy Camels.
I always do.
How mild, how mild, how mild, how mild can a cigarette be?
Make the Camel 30-day test and you'll see.
Smoke Camels and see.
Tonight's Adventure of Richard Diamond, starring Dick Powell, was written by Blake Edwards
with music by Frank Worth.
Our director is Helen Mack.
Featured in tonight's cast were Virginia Greig, Arthur Q. Bryan, and Wilms Herbert.
Men, whether you buy the handy pocket tin or the big one-pound tin of Prince Albert,
you're in for real smoking joy.
PA's Choice Tobacco has a rich taste and delightful natural aroma.
It's specially treated to ensure against tongue bite, and it's crimp cut for smooth, even,
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Yet Prince Albert, the national joy smoke, America's largest selling smoking tobacco.
Until next week, for another exciting transcribed adventure of Richard Diamond, starring Dick
Powell.
This is your FBI.
The official broadcast from the files of the FBI follows immediately.
Stay tuned.
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This is the American Broadcasting Company.